Did you know that our brain is wired to figure out what’s wrong, instead of really celebrating what’s right. It’s called “negativity bias”.
Recently, I finished an amazing month in my business. I have an amazing team and we knocked it out of the park. But, there was one order that went a little awry. So, as I was reflecting on that month, my mind went straight to that one order, ignoring everything else.
The reason I’m writing about this is because I read a book called “The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success” by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. It talks about going from a scarcity mindset into an abundant mindset and it got me thinking about how we, as entrepreneurs, are not really used to celebrating our wins.
As high achievers, we set our goals and try to crush them on a regular basis. But, we don’t stop and celebrate our wins. And really, that’s the whole point. The whole point is how far we’ve come and how much we’ve accomplished.
So today, I want to talk to you about a couple of exercises you can do to rethink how much you’ve accomplished.
In the book, the authors explain that when we set our ideal goals for the future, there’s a problem with that ideal, because the ideal is not real. It’s an illusion. It’s a spot in the future to move towards, but it’s not a very specific destination.
I’m sure you’ve all noticed how once we actually hit the goal we set, we’re automatically thinking about the next goal because the goal isn’t the end destination. It’s just a stop along the way. They describe this ideal like a horizon. The horizon isn’t an actual spot, it’s just a visual cue for you to measure space in the future.
A more accurate measure of how far you’ve come is to turn around and look behind you.
One of the exercises in the book is to look back 10 years. Go back 10 years and write down all of the things you’ve accomplished in those past 10 years. I did this and it was extremely fun. 10 years ago, I had three little kids. I was a stay-at-home mom and I was doing a ton of great stuff: I was volunteering, I was the head of the parents’ association, I was doing a lot of fundraising, I was the Girl Scout troop leader. I was playing an important role as a young mom. I had no career. I had stopped working in marketing public relations and I had no idea what I would do next.
So, in the past 10 years, I became a personal trainer, I became a wellness coach, I taught at some of the top gyms in Manhattan, I became a running coach and an ambassador for Lululemon, I ran two marathons, I started a wellness business, I started another wellness business, I started a Facebook group for my friends that has now grown to over 5000 people. I am now making more in my online wellness business than I ever would have imagined making in my personal training or wellness business. None of that had transpired in the past 10 years.
Am I going to focus on that or am I going to focus on the one order that didn’t go through at the end of the month?
This is an amazing practice and if you decide to do it, please reach out to me on social media and tell me what you discovered that you have done in the last 10 years that you forgot about.
Conscious Competence Learning Model
In the book, the authors also explain what they call the “conscious competence learning model”. Basically, this means, as soon as we learn a skill we actually forget how much we’ve learned.
- The first stage in this model is unconscious incompetence. You don’t know that you don’t know. You don’t even know that would be a skill. This stage is blissful ignorance.
- The second stage is conscious incompetence. In this stage, you know that something is a skill you need to learn, but you still know you don’t know how to do it.
- The third stage is conscious competence. This is where you actually learn the skill.
- The fourth, and final, stage is unconscious competence. This is the stage where the skill has become part of your habits. It just becomes part of who you are and you move on to the next goal, without even giving yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished.
Now, I’m asking you to stop and acknowledge all of your unconscious competencies. You are doing an amazing job, my friend. You’ve learned how to navigate so many difficult challenges. You’ve accomplished so many great things. I want you to stop and think about those things.
Bonus quick tip from the book that I do every day with my friend Emily. We call it “trinity” and what we do is we tell each other 3 things that we’ve done that we’re proud of, 3 things we’re grateful for, and 3 things that we desire. We put our super goals out there, but we’re also celebrating our wins each day.
Hopefully, this has sparked some curiosity in you and if you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch with me.
In the meantime, remember, you are magnetic and people are waiting to hear what you have to say.